Archive for October, 2010

October 30, 2010

It’s 1:03am, Saturday morning, two days before my twenty eighth birthday. I spent the day at home watching tv on the internet and eating chocolate chips. It hasn’t been a good year.

So I’m lying in bed, my heart tripping on a sugar high, thinking about what I need to do to change my life. There’s that nagging voice in my head, telling me that all I need to do to find happiness is to accept myself as I am. Then there’s that other voice saying bullshit–you need a big idea. You need to do something.

I used to be the kind of person who did things, I think. Or maybe I’m being nostalgic and rosy past tense. But anyway, this isn’t working. Something has to change. It’s hard to know where to start. Nothing is in order–not my body, not my mind, not my spirit, certainly not my apartment.

My apartment. Something tangible. A very obvious problem with a fairly obvious solution. Time to clean up some shit. That’s not really a metaphor (also, a gigantic black spider just crawled across my sight-line, so I’m not sleeping any time soon).

So here’s my big idea. It is within my power to change my living space, and this is how I should do it. Without being ridiculously minimalistic, I need to reduce the number of things in my possession (or at least, my sightline). If I have access to less stuff, I will make less mess. Less mess, more happiness. Or something.

I’m not a big fan of melodramatic gestures. Or rather, I love them, but they’re useless for producing real change. Then again, sometimes you just have to jump in.

Someone pass the garbage can.


Eat Drink Chew

October 28, 2010

I’ve just started a new blog for my fellow nutritionists-in-training to post recipes, how-to’s, and research. Everything will be tagged by nutrients and benefits, so it should make a pretty useful resource. All the recipes will be tested by experts! Of course, there’s not much there now, but soon it will be chock-full of deliciousness. Check it out here.


October 27, 2010

I did something. Several somethings. I feel better.

la dee da

October 24, 2010

So, I’m procrastinating. My means of procrastinating? Reading on the internets about ways to stop procrastinating. Yes, I am a genius. Hit me now.

As much as I am completely unwilling to do anything right now, the internets did have some useful things to say. Particularly this, from the genius pirate Havi–most of us are immune to our own superpowers most of the time.

That’s why I’m procrastinating. Because I’m studying holistic nutrition, ostensibly so that I can help other people be healthy, and yet my dinner consisted of cheese and a jar of marmalade. Yes, the whole thing.

This isn’t passive resistance. This is out-and-out assault. This is taking a class on mindful eating, then picking up fast food on the way home. This is instructing others on the home crafts with my nose in the air, while refusing to enter my kitchen cuz it’s got fruit flies and no clean dishes and I’m kind of worried it’s going to eat me. This is staying up till four in the morning watching bad tv. This is calling in sick because I can’t think of a reason to get out of bed. This is not good.

The thing is, I don’t want to help anybody else right now. Never really did. I just want to help myself. What I want to do is stop.

No more teachers, no more books, no more experts’ dirty looks.

Sorry, Mr. Expert-Pants.

The more I read, the more I learn, the more I hear a voice in my head urging strongly, You already know what to do. I just don’t want to do it.

I don’t want to face this stuff.

I know that I can face it. Or at least, I have before.

But I really, really, really don’t want to.

I am going to try to accept that. What I need in the interim are some better strategies for not doing things. Eating shit and watching crap tv and sitting on my bed till my hips hurt are bad strategies. Because if I’m going to be procrastinating, why not at least waste the time doing something I like?

I’m not sure if I like anything right now.

But when I think of something, I’ll do it.